Quick, before I get Sidetrack'd

This morning Matt asked me if I realized that this past Sunday was the first Sunday of Advent and it was at that moment that I realized that December is upon us. Really, where has the year gone? I know for me, the last few weeks have passed in a haze of illness (for all four of us), Thanksgiving prep and travel, and thinking oh my goodness this baby is coming soon. So here I sit on the first day of December with nothing planned or prepared for our Advent/Christmas traditions that we’ve hoped to start for the last couple of years (nah, I’m not a procrastinator!).

This morning in the time before our play date I did some searching online and planning in my head and decided that I will make our Advent calendar, we will read through the nativity story in Luke multiple times, we will have Advent candles (don’t know yet whether we’ll have a “wreath” or just the candles), and that we’ll do several Christmas themed activities as a family throughout the month.

I’m trying not to be overly ambitious this year since the wee babe is scheduled to make her appearance sometime in the next 5ish weeks, but I do want to make it a joyous and festive time for our family. So, here is our Advent/Christmas season plan (hopefully it will all play out)…

~Advent Calendar – Since I’m making it, it will be sweet and simple, with emphasis on the simple. Something like this is what I have in mind.

I will, however, rely on printed scrapbook paper and a cute paper punch to create the ornaments.

~The Nativity story – I would like to read through the story every evening, but since our children are so young we will probably have to break it up into a few segments over the course of several nights. I do want to read through it multiple times, though, for the sake of repetition (especially with Little).

~Advent candles/wreath – our Advent candles aren’t the right colors (the store I visited didn’t have any purple candles), but we’ll go with what we have. We will light them on the remaining three Sundays preceding Christmas and will catch up the first week’s candle this coming Sunday.

~Christmas themed activities – this weekend (hopefully) we will put up the Christmas tree and decorate the house, next weekend we will attend a community event called Alpine Village at one of the local churches, and the weekend before Christmas we will drive around to view Christmas lights and make a stop for cocoa/coffee. We also have Christmas cookies to bake, goodies to make for gifts, and will probably have a Christmas get together with friends. And, of course, we plan to attend the Christmas Eve service at our church.

Matt and I hope to teach our children that the Christmas season is more than gifts and Santa and reindeer and spending money; that it is about anticipating and celebrating Christ’s birth, about blessing others from the bounty that God has given us, and about spending time with people you love.

What are your favorite family Advent/Christmas traditions?

I came across a post on Simple Mom this weekend (via Rocks in My Dryer) entitled “The Great Myth“. It was a great reminder that none of us, no matter how it seems, is able to do it “all”. I was particularly struck by these two quotes:

“Every choice we make in life is both a choice to do something and a choice to not do something.”

“And at the end of the day, we need to trust that God gave us the energy to do those things to which He called us, and no more.”

I hope you’ll read the complete post and find encouragement for those days when you just don’t seem to measure up (at least in your own mind).

About three weeks ago our vacuum (which has served us pretty well during these 8+ years of marriage) died a smoky death as it cleaned out the dryer vent. With a preschooler and a crazy toddler roaming around this place we really can’t do without a vacuum for even a short period of time, so the search began.

Matt did some research, and we did some shopping, and we settled on a small canister vac that would serve our needs. All the while I dreamed and drooled over the Dyson vacuum that I would love to have but just wasn’t in the budget.

Then…a week after we purchased our vacuum I was notified by 5 Minutes for Mom that I was randomly selected as the winner of their Dyson DC25 giveaway. I was so excited! Matt, being the resident skeptic, was, well, a bit skeptical in the “I’ll believe it when I see it” sort of way.

The following Tuesday our new vacuum arrived. We excitedly opened the box expecting to put together the new toy vacuum and try it. We were unpleasantly surprised to find that the box did not contain the vacuum attachments or, more importantly, the front part of the vacuum (you know, the part that touches the floor and picks up the dirt).

On Wednesday morning I set out to find a way to remedy the situation. I e-mailed the prize coordinator at 5M4M and she got in touch with the PR rep for Dyson. I expected to receive an e-mail saying that they would ship me the missing parts and we would live happily with our new, fully assembled vacuum. When the PR rep contacted me, he was extremely apologetic for the problem and offered, not to get me the missing parts, but to upgrade us to a DC28, Dyson’s most powerful vacuum!

Our new vacuum arrived on Tuesday, and Tuesday night we put it together and tried it. From our first run, I think this is a great vacuum!

God is so good! A super-dooper vacuum was not something we had to have, but is definitely something for which we are thankful. God knows all of our wants and needs, the big and the small, and provides for us in ways that we couldn’t even imagine.

It’s Monday morning. I sit in the waiting room of my OB’s office reading Harry Potter (again) and waiting my turn. This should be a quick visit (with “quick” being a relative term when it comes to the OB’s office) – just the usual weight-blood-pressure-how-are-you-feeling-baby’s-heart-rate-is-good kind of visit.

My name is called and I am ushered to an exam room where I wait a bit longer before the doctor arrives to visit with me. “All seems well,” I tell her. “I’m feeling a bit better; although, I do still have a few moments/days where I feel sick,” I tell her.

She pulls out the doppler and sets to work finding the baby’s heartbeat. A few seconds, and nothing. Several more seconds, and nothing. A full minute, still nothing. The silence that strikes fear in the heart of any expectant mother. The doctor tries to reassure me: “It could just be the baby’s position or the position of the uterus,” she says. But we both know there is also the possibility of miscarriage. “Let’s take a look and see what’s going on,” she says.

So off I go to wait again. In a different set of chairs this time. Praying fervently all the while that everything is okay with this tiny one growing within my body. I feel a couple of tiny little movements that are more reassuring than anything anyone could say. Thank you, Jesus.

The ultrasound tech calls my name. I lie down on the table and she places the ultrasound wand on my belly. “This baby’s heart-rate is great,” she says almost immediately. Relief, gratitude, praise flood my being as I see images of this little one who has, in the last four weeks, begun to look more like a baby and less like a peanut.

The next day I drive down the road listening to my two little people giggle together in the back seat. “How Great is My God” plays on the radio, and all I can think is “Amen!”

I’ve spent the last 30 or so weeks studying the life of Moses in Bible Study Fellowship; this week we are wrapping up our study of Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers, and Deuteronomy. I’ve learned a lot during this study and God has grown me and my faith in many places. The last couple of weeks there have been a few scriptures in particular that have jumped out at me, so I thought I would share them with you this morning as we are beginning a new week.

Deuteronomy 30:19b-20
“Therefore choose life, that you and your offspring may live, loving the Lord your God, obeying his voice and holding fast to him, for he is your life and length of days, that you may dwell in the land that the Lord swore to your fathers”

Deuteronomy 31:8
“It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed.”

Deuteronomy 32:47a
“For it is no empty word for you, but your very life”

Have a happy Monday!

Part 1
Part 2

The question that remains – where do we go from here?  And to that question I have absolutely no answers.  

I know that we are in a place of submission and awareness.  I also know that we are currently in a season of waiting.

There is talk of missions work.  Matt has long had a heart for the unsaved and, especially, for foreign missions.  This is one place where I’ve been holding out.  It scares me to think of living and raising my children in another culture, but if this is what God has planned for us then I will obediently answer the call.

Beyond that, I really have no clue right now.

I once heard someone say that God only allows us to see a few feet in front of us because if we saw any further down the road we would stop dead in our tracks.  

I don’t know what the future holds, but I know that God holds my future (and that of my family) in his hands.  I don’t know what God’s plans are, but I know that his will always prevails.

And with the promises of scripture tucked in our hearts and our minds Matt and I take this journey one step at a time.

Lord, give me courage to walk this path and faith to be obedient.

Part 1

And now I am studying the Pentateuch again; this time as part of Bible Study Fellowship.  Or rather, I’m studying the life of Moses through the books of Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers, and Deuteronomy.  This time, however, I came into the study from a different spiritual perspective, not from a spiritual high of obedience and anticipation but from a place of dryness and stagnation.

One of the things God has really been convicting me of these last few weeks is my lack of perspective on his might.  I’ve fallen into the “little God” trap and lost sight of God’s “bigness” and supremecy.  I’ve been guilty of trying to live this life based on my own power instead of relying on God.  I’ve misplaced my trust in the fact that God ordains all, God controls all, and God knows best of all.  I’ve failed to trust.  I’ve fallen into unbelief that my God can handle everything better than I could even imagine.

As I read through my BSF notes a couple of weeks ago (covering Number 13-14; the 12 spies in Canaan), I was repeatedly convicted of my unbelief.  Caleb and Joshua were firmly convinced of the overwhelming hugeness of God.  It did not matter to them if they were two men going up against all the giants Canaan could throw at them, they had God on their side and their God was immeasurably larger than all of the giants put together.

I want to reclaim my large view of God.  I want to again trust in my God who is immeasurably larger and stronger than all the things of this world.  I want to serve a God who doesn’t need me but chooses to use me.  I want to trust fully, deeply, irreversably.  I long to be lost in God instead of wrapped up in myself.  My eyes have been dimmed by unbelief, but I desire now to see God clearly.

So I am again praying that very scary prayer.  The prayer where I put all I have and all I am back in God’s hands.  “Lord, all I have is yours – my home, my marriage, my children (as difficult as that is to say), my health, my finances, even my very life.  It is yours; do with it as you please.”

This is not an empty prayer.  I say these things fully recognizing that something will soon change.  That something probably will not be the thing I would have chosen and will very likely break me in some way.  But I am confident that my God is the big God of Caleb and Joshua.  The supreme God.  The God who knows the end from the beginning.  And I am confident that my God will carry me through in victory, just as he always has.

There is one piece of advice on prayer that I feel comfortable giving: Do not pray that you place all things in God’s hands – marriage, home, children, health, etc. – unless you really mean it.  You don’t know what might happen, but you can be certain that something will.

The last time I fervently prayed this prayer God uprooted us from our life and moved us across the state.  Our life was good.  We were part of a good church that believed fully in God’s word and ardently proclaimed what is written there – even the hard parts.  In that church we were members of a small group of men and women who we thought of as family.  We were learning, growing, and being challenged in our beliefs and our faith.  We had great friends, good jobs.  We had just bought a house and were settling in to start a family.

Matt and I were in prayer that God would lead us, change us, use us.  For a while I prayed, “Lord, all I have is yours – my marriage, my job, my home, my life – do with it what you will.”  A few short weeks later we were headed to our new city where we knew no one.

We moved to a place that would not have made my short list of places I wanted to live.  I was happy where we were and not very happy that God was asking us to leave and head to our new “home”, but Matt and I were certain, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that moving was exactly what God was calling us to do.  We chose to obediently make the move.

During the weeks and months of prayer that came prior to our move I was part of a Bible study with several amazing and godly women.  As our study drew to a close and Matt and I prepared to move in a matter of weeks those women prayed over me.  One of the ladies felt she received a word from God that was meant for me; she told me that I was entering into my Eden.  Those words have stuck with me.

As we came to our new home I felt we were entering our “promised land.”  This was where God was calling us to be.  He had great things for us here and the work of his Kingdom for our hands.  I was reading through the Pentateuch at the time and remember being constantly struck by the call of God on Israel, his promises to them, and his gift of this land they had been promised hundreds of years earlier.

Matt and I have spent the last 4 years seeing God work in our lives and anticipating just what it is that he has called us to do.  We know our work here remains unfinished (or at least it did as of 2 years ago) because God has kept us here despite our best efforts to move on.

To be continued…

I blog for several reasons – to record stories and milestones for my children, to keep out-of-town family up-to-date (kind of) on what’s going on around here, to keep a record of the various seasons of life that we’re passing through as a family, to create community, to just have fun.

Another reason I blog is to share some of my thoughts on what God is doing in my heart and in my life.  I’m selective about what I lay out here on the web, so these aren’t the things that I blog about often.  But there are times (like summer 2007) – when God is actively and visibly at work molding me, teaching me, calling me – that I like to record and share.  These are posts that I hope God uses to touch, encourage, inspire those who read.  If nothing else, they are used by God to continue to grow me as I journal.

Over the course of a series of posts I plan to share some of the things that God has been laying on my heart these past few weeks.  It is a time of rebuke, teaching, and growth.  It is a time of anxious anticipation as Matt and I await the next step in this journey called faith.  It is a difficult time on many levels yet a sweet time on many more.

I hope as I post these things you will read, comment, and be open to God’s leading; not because I have answers, but because I believe God will be at work.  I believe God will use this time for encouragement and affirmation for me and, I pray, for you.  Will you join me?

Today I had a meltdown.  One of those ugly cry, snot dripping down face, curl up in the fetal position kind of meltdowns.  Fortunately, my best friend lives two doors down and came running to my rescue as soon as she answered my tear muffled call; otherwise, I might still be laying in the floor in a puddle of tears as the children screamed around me.  

It wasn’t pretty, but it was very, very real.  This is how life feels right now.  We’ve all been sick for a month.  The baby is teething.  I can’t stay on top of the chores like I feel I should.  Life has caught up to me and is dragging me down.  I am weary, to the bone and deep into my soul.

I’m praying for reprieve.  I’m praying for strength.  This seems to be one of those times when God is forcing me to my knees and yet I’ve continued to fight it for too long now.  I don’t know what I’m “chasing”, but it is running faster than I can and is obviously not the right thing.

Please forgive me if you don’t see me here often.  Please forgive me if I don’t make it by your place as often as I would like.  It’s rough times and I’m trying to muster through.

My light at the end of the tunnel right now is a scheduled retreat this weekend with several women I love and am honored to call my friends.  The baby will come with me (Daddy would not be too happy if I left him at home since he won’t take a bottle!), but I’m hopeful that a change of scenery and a change of routine will do my mind, my heart, and my body good.

Until then, I will meditate on these verses:

“He will tend his flock like a shepherd; he will gather the lambs in his arms; he will carry them in his bosom, and gently lead those that are with young.”  Isaiah 40:11

“Even youths shall faint and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted; but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.”  Isaiah 40:30-31