But let’s start with this one, one I’ve been meaning to post for a couple of years now…

Just over two years ago (when J was about 9 months old), I was able to enjoy a ladies’ weekend with some wonderful ladies from church. We visited a beautiful lake house owned by the family of one of the ladies and spent the weekend hanging out, relaxing, eating, and enjoying some time with just the ladies.

I had J with me that weekend (the only guy allowed!) because he was still nursing full-time, so taking him with me was the only way I could go. At one point I was wearing him in the BabyHawk and he was all snuggled up against me with his head on my chest. I love wearing my babies like that because I love to be able to bend my head and kiss the top of their sweet little head.

One of the ladies commented on how that reminded her of the way God holds us sweetly, gently, like a parent holding their child. I thought of how precious that really is. God holds us close, draws us to his chest where we hear his heartbeat, leans over and kisses us on the top of the head.

One thing God has been revealing to me over the last 4+ years that I’ve been known as “mommy” is that part of his character that is loving parent, comforter, the one who draws us near and holds us close, loving us in spite of ourselves.

So, we’ve been keeping busy of late, but there really hasn’t been much exciting to report. One thing that’s kept us smiling around here the last few weeks is Boo’s prayers. He’s to the point where he wants to pray anytime we do, but he doesn’t have a real grasp on the whole thing yet.

A few examples…

His dinner prayer a couple of weeks ago: “Bless, bless. The end.”

And at bedtime the same night: “God is good, God is good, God is good, God is good, God is good, God is great, God is good … um, the end.”

And then tonight at dinner: “Bless, bless, bless … what comes next?”

That boy sure brings joy to our lives! I love you, Boo!

Drained.

Emotionally wrought.

I’m learning that sometimes we have to make a choice between good and better.

I’m trying to trust God and get over myself.

I know he is bigger than the circumstances.

I know he is at work.

I just wish it didn’t hurt.

Little is going to preschool two days a week at a local church. She was so excited to go to “big school”, and she seems to love it. My oldest girl thrives on structure, so school is right up her alley; guess I’ll have to get my act together if we decide to homeschool next year for Kindergarten.

Little has also begun taking dance. She is part of a class held at a local church and led by a lady from our church. It is a pretty casual class (no big production, no make up, no stage moms), which was just what we were looking for to start her off. Mrs. Kim teaches them ballet and tap, and Little is really excited to dance.

This is my fourth year participating in Bible Study Fellowship, and this year I am serving as a leader in the children’s program. That means that I have leaders’ meetings on Mondays in addition to our regular class meeting, and a couple of hours of teaching prep on top of the usual class homework. It seems odd to a lot of people that I, mom to three kids four and under, am working in the children’s program, and all I can say is that sometimes God calls us to do (seemingly) strange things.

I’m also doing a Bible study at church this Fall. We’ve started a new ministry for moms and this study is kind of a “kick-off”. This ministry is something that has been on my heart and in my mind for a while now, so I was very excited when I was approached about being part of the leadership/vision team. The last couple of years God has really placed a burden on my heart for young moms, children, and families. I am excitedly anticipating God’s work through the moms ministry this year!

And between all of these things we are trying to fit in playdates, housework, and rest. We’re looking forward to a fun and exciting Fall.

This morning in the time before our play date I did some searching online and planning in my head and decided that I will make our Advent calendar, we will read through the nativity story in Luke multiple times, we will have Advent candles (don’t know yet whether we’ll have a “wreath” or just the candles), and that we’ll do several Christmas themed activities as a family throughout the month.

I’m trying not to be overly ambitious this year since the wee babe is scheduled to make her appearance sometime in the next 5ish weeks, but I do want to make it a joyous and festive time for our family. So, here is our Advent/Christmas season plan (hopefully it will all play out)…

~Advent Calendar – Since I’m making it, it will be sweet and simple, with emphasis on the simple. Something like this is what I have in mind.

I will, however, rely on printed scrapbook paper and a cute paper punch to create the ornaments.

~The Nativity story – I would like to read through the story every evening, but since our children are so young we will probably have to break it up into a few segments over the course of several nights. I do want to read through it multiple times, though, for the sake of repetition (especially with Little).

~Advent candles/wreath – our Advent candles aren’t the right colors (the store I visited didn’t have any purple candles), but we’ll go with what we have. We will light them on the remaining three Sundays preceding Christmas and will catch up the first week’s candle this coming Sunday.

~Christmas themed activities – this weekend (hopefully) we will put up the Christmas tree and decorate the house, next weekend we will attend a community event called Alpine Village at one of the local churches, and the weekend before Christmas we will drive around to view Christmas lights and make a stop for cocoa/coffee. We also have Christmas cookies to bake, goodies to make for gifts, and will probably have a Christmas get together with friends. And, of course, we plan to attend the Christmas Eve service at our church.

Matt and I hope to teach our children that the Christmas season is more than gifts and Santa and reindeer and spending money; that it is about anticipating and celebrating Christ’s birth, about blessing others from the bounty that God has given us, and about spending time with people you love.

What are your favorite family Advent/Christmas traditions?

“Every choice we make in life is both a choice to do something and a choice to not do something.”

“And at the end of the day, we need to trust that God gave us the energy to do those things to which He called us, and no more.”

I hope you’ll read the complete post and find encouragement for those days when you just don’t seem to measure up (at least in your own mind).

Matt did some research, and we did some shopping, and we settled on a small canister vac that would serve our needs. All the while I dreamed and drooled over the Dyson vacuum that I would love to have but just wasn’t in the budget.

Then…a week after we purchased our vacuum I was notified by 5 Minutes for Mom that I was randomly selected as the winner of their Dyson DC25 giveaway. I was so excited! Matt, being the resident skeptic, was, well, a bit skeptical in the “I’ll believe it when I see it” sort of way.

The following Tuesday our new vacuum arrived. We excitedly opened the box expecting to put together the new toy vacuum and try it. We were unpleasantly surprised to find that the box did not contain the vacuum attachments or, more importantly, the front part of the vacuum (you know, the part that touches the floor and picks up the dirt).

On Wednesday morning I set out to find a way to remedy the situation. I e-mailed the prize coordinator at 5M4M and she got in touch with the PR rep for Dyson. I expected to receive an e-mail saying that they would ship me the missing parts and we would live happily with our new, fully assembled vacuum. When the PR rep contacted me, he was extremely apologetic for the problem and offered, not to get me the missing parts, but to upgrade us to a DC28, Dyson’s most powerful vacuum!

Our new vacuum arrived on Tuesday, and Tuesday night we put it together and tried it. From our first run, I think this is a great vacuum!

God is so good! A super-dooper vacuum was not something we had to have, but is definitely something for which we are thankful. God knows all of our wants and needs, the big and the small, and provides for us in ways that we couldn’t even imagine.

My name is called and I am ushered to an exam room where I wait a bit longer before the doctor arrives to visit with me. “All seems well,” I tell her. “I’m feeling a bit better; although, I do still have a few moments/days where I feel sick,” I tell her.

She pulls out the doppler and sets to work finding the baby’s heartbeat. A few seconds, and nothing. Several more seconds, and nothing. A full minute, still nothing. The silence that strikes fear in the heart of any expectant mother. The doctor tries to reassure me: “It could just be the baby’s position or the position of the uterus,” she says. But we both know there is also the possibility of miscarriage. “Let’s take a look and see what’s going on,” she says.

So off I go to wait again. In a different set of chairs this time. Praying fervently all the while that everything is okay with this tiny one growing within my body. I feel a couple of tiny little movements that are more reassuring than anything anyone could say. Thank you, Jesus.

The ultrasound tech calls my name. I lie down on the table and she places the ultrasound wand on my belly. “This baby’s heart-rate is great,” she says almost immediately. Relief, gratitude, praise flood my being as I see images of this little one who has, in the last four weeks, begun to look more like a baby and less like a peanut.

The next day I drive down the road listening to my two little people giggle together in the back seat. “How Great is My God” plays on the radio, and all I can think is “Amen!”

Deuteronomy 30:19b-20
“Therefore choose life, that you and your offspring may live, loving the Lord your God, obeying his voice and holding fast to him, for he is your life and length of days, that you may dwell in the land that the Lord swore to your fathers”

Deuteronomy 31:8
“It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed.”

Deuteronomy 32:47a
“For it is no empty word for you, but your very life”

Have a happy Monday!

The question that remains – where do we go from here?  And to that question I have absolutely no answers.  

I know that we are in a place of submission and awareness.  I also know that we are currently in a season of waiting.

There is talk of missions work.  Matt has long had a heart for the unsaved and, especially, for foreign missions.  This is one place where I’ve been holding out.  It scares me to think of living and raising my children in another culture, but if this is what God has planned for us then I will obediently answer the call.

Beyond that, I really have no clue right now.

I once heard someone say that God only allows us to see a few feet in front of us because if we saw any further down the road we would stop dead in our tracks.  

I don’t know what the future holds, but I know that God holds my future (and that of my family) in his hands.  I don’t know what God’s plans are, but I know that his will always prevails.

And with the promises of scripture tucked in our hearts and our minds Matt and I take this journey one step at a time.

Lord, give me courage to walk this path and faith to be obedient.

And now I am studying the Pentateuch again; this time as part of Bible Study Fellowship.  Or rather, I’m studying the life of Moses through the books of Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers, and Deuteronomy.  This time, however, I came into the study from a different spiritual perspective, not from a spiritual high of obedience and anticipation but from a place of dryness and stagnation.

One of the things God has really been convicting me of these last few weeks is my lack of perspective on his might.  I’ve fallen into the “little God” trap and lost sight of God’s “bigness” and supremecy.  I’ve been guilty of trying to live this life based on my own power instead of relying on God.  I’ve misplaced my trust in the fact that God ordains all, God controls all, and God knows best of all.  I’ve failed to trust.  I’ve fallen into unbelief that my God can handle everything better than I could even imagine.

As I read through my BSF notes a couple of weeks ago (covering Number 13-14; the 12 spies in Canaan), I was repeatedly convicted of my unbelief.  Caleb and Joshua were firmly convinced of the overwhelming hugeness of God.  It did not matter to them if they were two men going up against all the giants Canaan could throw at them, they had God on their side and their God was immeasurably larger than all of the giants put together.

I want to reclaim my large view of God.  I want to again trust in my God who is immeasurably larger and stronger than all the things of this world.  I want to serve a God who doesn’t need me but chooses to use me.  I want to trust fully, deeply, irreversably.  I long to be lost in God instead of wrapped up in myself.  My eyes have been dimmed by unbelief, but I desire now to see God clearly.

So I am again praying that very scary prayer.  The prayer where I put all I have and all I am back in God’s hands.  “Lord, all I have is yours – my home, my marriage, my children (as difficult as that is to say), my health, my finances, even my very life.  It is yours; do with it as you please.”

This is not an empty prayer.  I say these things fully recognizing that something will soon change.  That something probably will not be the thing I would have chosen and will very likely break me in some way.  But I am confident that my God is the big God of Caleb and Joshua.  The supreme God.  The God who knows the end from the beginning.  And I am confident that my God will carry me through in victory, just as he always has.

The last time I fervently prayed this prayer God uprooted us from our life and moved us across the state.  Our life was good.  We were part of a good church that believed fully in God’s word and ardently proclaimed what is written there – even the hard parts.  In that church we were members of a small group of men and women who we thought of as family.  We were learning, growing, and being challenged in our beliefs and our faith.  We had great friends, good jobs.  We had just bought a house and were settling in to start a family.

Matt and I were in prayer that God would lead us, change us, use us.  For a while I prayed, “Lord, all I have is yours – my marriage, my job, my home, my life – do with it what you will.”  A few short weeks later we were headed to our new city where we knew no one.

We moved to a place that would not have made my short list of places I wanted to live.  I was happy where we were and not very happy that God was asking us to leave and head to our new “home”, but Matt and I were certain, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that moving was exactly what God was calling us to do.  We chose to obediently make the move.

During the weeks and months of prayer that came prior to our move I was part of a Bible study with several amazing and godly women.  As our study drew to a close and Matt and I prepared to move in a matter of weeks those women prayed over me.  One of the ladies felt she received a word from God that was meant for me; she told me that I was entering into my Eden.  Those words have stuck with me.

As we came to our new home I felt we were entering our “promised land.”  This was where God was calling us to be.  He had great things for us here and the work of his Kingdom for our hands.  I was reading through the Pentateuch at the time and remember being constantly struck by the call of God on Israel, his promises to them, and his gift of this land they had been promised hundreds of years earlier.

Matt and I have spent the last 4 years seeing God work in our lives and anticipating just what it is that he has called us to do.  We know our work here remains unfinished (or at least it did as of 2 years ago) because God has kept us here despite our best efforts to move on.

To be continued…

Another reason I blog is to share some of my thoughts on what God is doing in my heart and in my life.  I’m selective about what I lay out here on the web, so these aren’t the things that I blog about often.  But there are times (like summer 2007) – when God is actively and visibly at work molding me, teaching me, calling me – that I like to record and share.  These are posts that I hope God uses to touch, encourage, inspire those who read.  If nothing else, they are used by God to continue to grow me as I journal.

Over the course of a series of posts I plan to share some of the things that God has been laying on my heart these past few weeks.  It is a time of rebuke, teaching, and growth.  It is a time of anxious anticipation as Matt and I await the next step in this journey called faith.  It is a difficult time on many levels yet a sweet time on many more.

I hope as I post these things you will read, comment, and be open to God’s leading; not because I have answers, but because I believe God will be at work.  I believe God will use this time for encouragement and affirmation for me and, I pray, for you.  Will you join me?

It wasn’t pretty, but it was very, very real.  This is how life feels right now.  We’ve all been sick for a month.  The baby is teething.  I can’t stay on top of the chores like I feel I should.  Life has caught up to me and is dragging me down.  I am weary, to the bone and deep into my soul.

I’m praying for reprieve.  I’m praying for strength.  This seems to be one of those times when God is forcing me to my knees and yet I’ve continued to fight it for too long now.  I don’t know what I’m “chasing”, but it is running faster than I can and is obviously not the right thing.

Please forgive me if you don’t see me here often.  Please forgive me if I don’t make it by your place as often as I would like.  It’s rough times and I’m trying to muster through.

My light at the end of the tunnel right now is a scheduled retreat this weekend with several women I love and am honored to call my friends.  The baby will come with me (Daddy would not be too happy if I left him at home since he won’t take a bottle!), but I’m hopeful that a change of scenery and a change of routine will do my mind, my heart, and my body good.

Until then, I will meditate on these verses:

“He will tend his flock like a shepherd; he will gather the lambs in his arms; he will carry them in his bosom, and gently lead those that are with young.”  Isaiah 40:11

“Even youths shall faint and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted; but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.”  Isaiah 40:30-31

This year we are studying the life of Moses through the books of Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers, and Deuteronomy.  A portion of Lesson 1 is about God’s Covenant with Abraham and the sealing of that covenant as recorded in Genesis 15.  This excerpt from the notes struck me:

“In a human covenant the two parties exchanged mutual promises.  But in this ceremony Abraham did not take part.  He was on one side, as it were, watching as God…passed between the pieces of the slain animals and made unilateral promises to Abraham.  It was a way of saying that keeping the covenant would not depend on Abraham or his faithfulness but solely on the faithfulness of God.” (emphasis mine)

How blessed are we to serve a God who freely grants us salvation (his covenant with us) through the blood of Jesus?  It is such a relief that my salvation does not rest in my own hands, but in the hands of God.  

God is faithful, as proven over and over in the stories of the Bible and in the story of my life; he is truthful and trustworthy, he will not let us down.  Taking a few minutes every now and then to reflect on God’s constancy in my past and on his faithfulness to keep his promises helps me to re-center and focus on him instead of the worries and concerns of this life.

It is solely about God’s faithfulness, not mine.  Praise God!

On Wednesday mornings I attend a community Bible Study known as BSF. Every week we sing three hymns during our time together. It has been years since I’ve regularly sung hymns (as printed in song books); which really has little to do with what I’m writing, but, for what it’s worth, there it is.

Yesterday we sang the hymn “What a Friend We Have in Jesus”, and I was struck by the line “oh, the peace we often forfeit…all because we do not carry everything to God in prayer.” It brought to mind the passage in Philippians (quoted above) which states that the peace that surpasses all understanding is available to us, that peace which is only from God. And how do we receive that peace? By praying in and about all things.

Then our study for the week (Matthew 14) included the passage about Jesus walking on the water. And Peter walking with him:

[Jesus] said, “Come.” So Peter got out of the boat and walked on the water and came to Jesus. But when he saw the wind , he was afraid and beginning to sink he cried out, “Lord, save me.” Jesus immediately reached out his hand and took hold of him, saying to him, “O you of little faith, why did you doubt?” And when they got into the boat, the wind ceased.

Matthew 14:29-32

As soon as Peter stepped out with his eyes on Jesus he was able to walk on water, but when his vision strayed to the wind he began to sink. However, as soon as he called out to Jesus, the Lord immediately reached for him and took his hand, and Peter was able to return to the boat walking on water because he was holding on to Jesus. And when they got back into the boat the storm quieted and peace reigned; all because of the presence of Jesus. (This is also the case in the Matthew 8:26 when Jesus calmed the storm.)

In my life I have experienced the peace that surpasses all understanding, and it is a truly wonderful and blessed state. But these passages and the hymn yesterday made me wonder – how often do I forfeit that peace just because I’m not being intentional in prayer or because I let my eyes stray from Jesus to the wind that is blowing around me?

I know that in all things the hand of Christ and the peace that reigns in his presence are available; am I reaching out today to take hold of “the Lord [who] is at hand”?

Quite a few years ago I accepted the gift of salvation that God freely offers to us all.  Although I have stumbled over the years, I have never looked back or regretted the decision I made on that day.  The love, mercy, and grace of God have so overwhelmed my life and my family that I can’t even imagine (and don’t really want to) what life would be like without my faith.

I am constantly learning, growing, and being recreated by the gentle hand of the loving Father.  I continue to struggle, I continue to fail, but God in his mercy continues to pick me up, to set me back on my feet, and to allow me to continue.  This year I have been challenged, I have been corrected, I have been told “no”.  I have also seen the hand of God at work in my life in amazing ways and he has used events, people, and circumstances to stretch my faith and to draw me closer to him.

I am thankful that he is sovereign.  I am thankful that he knows how things will work out and what will happen even before I know there is anything going on.  I am thankful that he is unchanging.  I am thankful that no matter what my circumstances might look like that I can trust that God is in control so there is no need for me to worry.  I am thankful that he knows what is best for me.  I am thankful that he grants me peace beyond all understanding.

I am thankful that he is a just God.  He is a God who is perfect and cannot be in the presence of things unholy; he is a God of perfect and righteous judgement and wrath.  I am thankful that he is a God who knew that I would mess up but who deferred my judgement.  I am thankful that he sent his son to walk this earth, to die on the cross becoming my sin so I could be reconciled to him and invited into his presence and his family.  I am thankful for the blood of Christ that covers me.

I hope and pray that you know the God whom I love and serve.  If you are a fellow Christ follower, I am thankful that you are a brother or sister and that we will one day walk the streets of heaven together.  If you are not in that place, I am thankful that the Holy Spirit will continue to pursue you because God desires us all to come to repentence and be reconciled to him.

May you each have a wonderful and blessed Thanksgiving holiday.

As I sat quietly in the shade of a tree reading and praying I was struck by the lack of silence. Yes, there were no cars, no voices, no ringing telephones, no hum of machinery; but when all of those things fade away silence doesn’t reign. There was the song of birds, the sound of leaves falling, the hum of cicadas, the whisper of a breeze through the grass and trees. But instead of the sounds of a hurried life I was surrounded by sounds that filled me with peace, that allowed me to relax, that drew me into prayer at the recognition of God’s majesty. Times like that are hard to come by, the times when I can truly be still and know that He is God.

Our silence was broken when we gathered for lunch, and, honestly, it was kind of awkward at first. It was a bit jarring to even hear my own voice after three hours in which quietness abounded, but we quickly settled into the hum of conversation that is common when women come together. The afternoon was spent in fellowship, sharing about our experience in the morning, group prayer, and taking Communion as a group. It was a wonderful day that I left feeling refreshed, relaxed, and ready to see Matt and Little.

Not long after I got home this strange wet stuff started falling from the sky; it’s been so long since we’ve seen rain around here that we almost forgot what it was. But when the rain came pouring down sideways it didn’t take long to figure out that we were in for a storm. Thunder and lightning started ripping through the sky, and soon our power flickered and then was gone.

While the rain was coming down hard, Matt took Little out under the carport so they could see the rain (and be in the cool since we no longer had a/c). They walked up to the edge of the area protected by the carport roof and Little enjoyed feeling the water on her skin as the wind blew the rain around. After we’d been outside a minute or so, a huge clap of thunder rumbled through the clouds. I thought Little might be scared because it was such a loud and sudden noise, but she stood there quietly until it passed and then attempted to mimic the sound the thunder made. It was so cute to see and hear her enjoying the downpour.

About an hour after the rain started (5:30ish) we were still without power, so we headed off to find some dinner and a cool place to hang out for a bit. After dinner we spent a few minutes at the bookstore and then headed home because it was getting close to Little’s bedtime.

We were hopeful that the power had been restored while we were gone until we turned onto our road and saw the neighbors out on their porches and driveways. Let’s just say that when it has been around 100 degrees for several days and then your a/c goes out it doesn’t take long for the house to get hot. Matt lit some candles and we sat at the kitchen table (with the sliding doors open) and read until it was too dark to read by candlelight. The day’s silence had returned as we sat quietly reading in a house devoid of all the sounds that are powered by electricity.

The power came back on about 10 (it had been out for over 5 hours at this point). This time when the silence broke I was pleased because it meant my a/c compressor was kicking back on, and we were able to settle in for the night as the house cooled back down to a comfortable temperature. Sometimes I take the conveniences of modern day life for granted, but Saturday evening I realized just how much I would miss my ceiling fans, air conditioning, and electricity if they were taken away.

Last week Meredith at Like Merchant Ships did a series entitled “How to Live Well on Less”; links to each post in the series can be found here. She writes about budgeting, purchasing, decorating, and finding beauty in what you own.

Then I read a post by Brant at Letters from Kamp Krusty titled “Here’s to Nothing!” in which he writes about how his family’s approach to life has impacted others in their neighborhood.

I would enjoy hearing your thoughts on simplicity as well – what “simple living” means, how it can be accomplished, things you’ve done to simplify your life or household. Leave a comment and let’s see what where this discussion might lead.

Beginning July 2nd I set out to pray for/about the following three things each day:

1. The words that come from my mouth
2. Our impending move, Matt’s new job, and the sale of our house
3. A new church home in Nashville

I have consistently been praying about the words of my mouth and the attitudes of my heart (because that is the root of all I say and do). Specifically, I’ve been praying the words of Psalms 141:3 and Proverbs 31:26.

Over the last few weeks I’ve noticed (and hope those around me have noticed) a shift toward kinder, gentler words. One particular focus of my prayers was that I would not be irritated with Little for interrupting what I was doing and demanding attention when I was focused on something else. I feel that God has really been softening my heart toward the gift that is my baby girl. When she seeks attention now, I try to stop what I’m doing (if that is feasible) and play or snuggle. As her Momma, I represent security and love to her, two things that she needs that only I can provide. Not that I’ve perfected this or conquered these issues, but I can see the work of God in the area of my motivations and speech. I continue to pray that I will speak words of wisdom, words of edification, words of love to those I interact with, especially Matt and Little.

The prayers about our move and selling the house really stirred things up around here. I’ve spoken about the saga surrounding our non-move in previous posts, so I won’t rehash all of that here; I will mention how God continues to deal with me in this area.

When we moved here two years ago we really felt we were being called to this place for a specific Kingdom purpose. As the Nashville situation unfolded I convinced myself that the lessons we’ve learned regarding what the church should be, how we are to be recognized as Christ followers, and what it means to be “in the world, but not of it” were the lessons we were brought here to learn.

Over the weeks of prayer about our move I was convicted that there is more here that God has prepared in advance for us to do. I felt led to repent of the way I had tried to “take over” God’s plan and decide what it was we were supposed to learn or do here. Now I look forward to seeing how God’s purposes unfold in and around my family.

Through these three weeks my patience has been tested, my emotions have been taxed, my mental capacity has been strained, my faith has been stretched, my prayer life has been stimulated, my hope has been inspired, and I’ve become excited about what the future holds.

Thank you to those of you who have read my posts and prayed for us as I went through this challenge (and the moving situation). And I especially thank our friends (some of whom I know read here although they rarely comment) who have come alongside us in prayer and conversation as we’ve worked through this time of testing.

On Monday, Matt had multiple opportunities open up within a matter of hours. On Tuesday, he spent the day interviewing with a local company. On Wednesday, he met with his current boss. Today, we have come full-circle.

The “for sale” sign is gone. The boxes are being unpacked. We are staying right where we’ve been – in our house with Matt continuing to go to the same job each day.

Physically, we never moved; spiritually, God has used these ten days in a mighty way. We have seen Him move in great and mysterious ways. We have been stretched in our faith and humbled by the plans of God.

I continue to pray that through this we bear witness to the faithfulness and provision of our Lord. And today, I rest knowing that “many are the plans in a man’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.” (Proverbs 19:21, ESV)

We were slated to move on Friday, the 20th (a week from tomorrow) and for Matt to begin his new job on Monday, the 23rd. We have a truck reserved, utilities transfers ordered, boxes packed, and are set to sign a lease on an apartment in Nashville on Monday, the 16th.

But now, everything is changing.

The information Matt came across indicated various levels of personality conflict, mismanagement, and incompetence. There also appears to be a huge amount of employee turnover considering the size of the company. In total these factors are significant enough that we began to doubt that things were as good as they originally appeared.

Through much prayer and conversation, we have decided that this isn’t the right position and situation for our family. If the job didn’t require a long-distance move, selling our house, etc, it might be a risk we felt comfortable taking. With things the way they are, it isn’t worth the uncertainty.

Over the last few days we have come to several realizations about God’s work through out this process. From the beginning we have prayed for wisdom, discernment, and that all we did would be about the righteousness of God. I believe this information has come to light in answer of our prayers for wisdom. As my friend Diane said yesterday, it seems like this is protection from the Holy Spirit.

And now, we walk by faith and not by sight. Matt is scheduled to leave his current position as of Thursday, July 19th.

I anticipate the things that are to come. I recognize God’s sovereignty now more than ever. I sit in trust of His faithfulness, of His provision, of His love.

The God I serve has a sense of humor; and if this isn’t proof of that, what comes next will be an even greater adventure!

“Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand.” Proverbs 19:21

The last few days I have prayed my verses (Psalms 141:3 and Proverbs 31:26) in full or paraphrase at least once a day. I try to begin each day by focusing on the idea of God setting a guard on my mouth and of opening my mouth with wisdom and the teaching of kindness.

My reactions to Little have really begun to change from frustration at being interrupted or needed all the time to truly recognizing that she is a blessing and gift from God and that this time in her life will be short and one day I will miss being needed and holding her close to comfort her. Sheryl’s post on Day 2 really made me think about the fact that I am what Little needs right now – I am her security and comfort – and I am the only one who can meet that need.

I did slip up yesterday when I used a hard tone of voice with a security guard. I was meeting friends for lunch and getting irritated at not being able to find a parking spot at the restaurant. When I finally did find a spot, got the car turned off, and started to unbuckle Little, the security guard (for the bank in the next part of the development) informed me that I couldn’t park there unless I had bank business. I commented that there was no sign to that effect; he answered that he was there to be the sign. In frustration I uttered some things in a not so nice tone of voice that were not edifying. Maybe I also need to work on submitting to the authority placed over us.

In regard to the move and the house – we had one showing this week and have received no feedback or additional communication. I’m hoping that this weekend will produce more results – at least more showings – but nothing doing at the moment. I’m trying to focus on the sovereignty of God in this matter. He knows how, when, and to whom the house will sell. All I can do is pray that it will happen quickly and that I won’t be anxious about it.

As I was reading Hebrews this morning, I noticed chapter 2 verse 8 refers to the sovereignty of Christ. The second part of the verse reads, “Now in putting everything in subjection to him, he left nothing outside his control.”

Although the context of this verse is Christ as the author and founder of salvation, I believe that the words everything and nothing are used in the broadest sense meaning that Christ is the head of all things and that all things (in heaven, on earth, and under the earth) are in subjection to him. This means that the sell of my house, a new church home, our move, and the words of my mouth are all under his control. Praise God!