Quick Before I Get Sidetrack'd

Sheryl has written a series of thoughtful and thought provoking posts this week on her challenge. I’m certain that I won’t be nearly as inspiring, but thought I would give something of an update on the process of God at work in my life.

The last few days I have prayed my verses (Psalms 141:3 and Proverbs 31:26) in full or paraphrase at least once a day. I try to begin each day by focusing on the idea of God setting a guard on my mouth and of opening my mouth with wisdom and the teaching of kindness.

My reactions to Little have really begun to change from frustration at being interrupted or needed all the time to truly recognizing that she is a blessing and gift from God and that this time in her life will be short and one day I will miss being needed and holding her close to comfort her. Sheryl’s post on Day 2 really made me think about the fact that I am what Little needs right now – I am her security and comfort – and I am the only one who can meet that need.

I did slip up yesterday when I used a hard tone of voice with a security guard. I was meeting friends for lunch and getting irritated at not being able to find a parking spot at the restaurant. When I finally did find a spot, got the car turned off, and started to unbuckle Little, the security guard (for the bank in the next part of the development) informed me that I couldn’t park there unless I had bank business. I commented that there was no sign to that effect; he answered that he was there to be the sign. In frustration I uttered some things in a not so nice tone of voice that were not edifying. Maybe I also need to work on submitting to the authority placed over us.

In regard to the move and the house – we had one showing this week and have received no feedback or additional communication. I’m hoping that this weekend will produce more results – at least more showings – but nothing doing at the moment. I’m trying to focus on the sovereignty of God in this matter. He knows how, when, and to whom the house will sell. All I can do is pray that it will happen quickly and that I won’t be anxious about it.

As I was reading Hebrews this morning, I noticed chapter 2 verse 8 refers to the sovereignty of Christ. The second part of the verse reads, “Now in putting everything in subjection to him, he left nothing outside his control.”

Although the context of this verse is Christ as the author and founder of salvation, I believe that the words everything and nothing are used in the broadest sense meaning that Christ is the head of all things and that all things (in heaven, on earth, and under the earth) are in subjection to him. This means that the sell of my house, a new church home, our move, and the words of my mouth are all under his control. Praise God!

Sheryl at Peanut Butter and Jelly Boats is challenging herself to 21 days of prayer and fasting to help her overcome some issues with what comes out of her mouth (see post here). She invited her fellow bloggers to join in the challenge, and I’ve decided to come alongside both in praying for her and challenging myself.

Although I’m not planning to share whether or not I’m fasting (I’ve decided that this is best left between God and me), I will write about the specific things I’m praying about and through and how God is at work in those things.

Now, since that last sentence was clear as mud, let’s get started.

~~ I will be praying, along with Sheryl, about the words that come out of my mouth; this is a constant struggle. I want the words that I speak to be edifying, gentle, and kind whether I’m speaking to a stranger, a friend, or Matt and Little. I will focus specifically on praying the following verses:

~~ I will be praying about the sale of our house and our impending move; that everything we do will be to the glory of God.

~~ I will be praying about finding a new church home in Nashville. It took us a year and a half to find a church here (that’s a long story for another time), and I’m hopeful that the lessons God taught us in that time only have to be learned once.

Today is actually day two of the challenge (yep, that’s me – a day late and a dollar short), so for the next 20 days I will be praying with and for Sheryl about the words of our mouths and also about these other things.

In other (but somewhat related) news, I’m also challenging myself to get back in the habit of exercising; I’ve always heard that it takes 21 days to create a habit, so the timing is just right. For the next 21 days I will walk or do some other form of exercise (like load and unload boxes) for 30 minutes each day. As a kind of accountability, I will add to the bottom of my posts a note about whether or not I’ve had my walk for the day. So far, so good – Little and I walked for at least 30 minutes both yesterday and today.

The last few weeks have been rough on me. There hasn’t been anything major, or even anything specific, but I’ve felt weary and worn most days; coming down with the plague hasn’t helped things either. I’m pretty confident in the fact that my malaise stems, at least in part, from not spending the time that I should in prayer, scripture reading, and meditation on the things of God. When I get out of the habit of quiet time I tend to find myself besieged by the thoughts and worries of the world.

Toward the end of last week I was reading a post at Days to Come and came across this sentence, “But my future is in the hands of the same God who was sovereign of my past.” This thought has stuck with me for several days, reverberating around in my head at various times.

It isn’t healthy to dwell on the past, but it is good to consider from time to time how God has been faithful in your past. Looking back I can see how God orchestrated events, people, and places to make me the person, wife, mother, and Christ follower that I am today. Reflection of this type leads me to gratefulness and praise which leads me back into the throne room of the Father.

This life isn’t always easy. We are beset daily by the cares and struggles of a fallen world, but I know that He is in control and that he is faithful. Hebrews 13:8 says, “Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.” In this I can rest. In this I find joy.

Expectation: a belief that someone will or should achieve something

We all have them: of ourselves, of others, of life. There are certain things that we expect ourselves to achieve; ways that we expect our spouse and children to be; certain events that we expect to transpire in our lives; certain outcomes that we expect God to provide.

I have long known that I expect too much. It’s not that I expect great things; it’s just things like: expecting someone to understand what I’m talking about even if I don’t communicate well; expecting someone to know what I’m thinking without my telling them; expecting high levels of achievement from myself.

I tend to be hard on myself – more so in some areas than others – and set the standard high enough that it is pretty much unattainable. This is very true in what I believe others are expecting of me. For instance, I have been in a place recently where I believed Matt expected the house to be spotless when he came home. I was convinced that toys in the floor, unwashed dishes in the sink, or a pile of unfolded laundry on the couch was a disappointment to him. I mean, I’m home all day now, why shouldn’t I be able to accomplish everything? He never said this was true; he never did anything to make me believe that this was true. It was all in my head. I make myself believe that perfection is expected and if I can’t achieve perfection then I have totally failed.

I also fear failure. You know the old saying, “if at first you don’t succeed, try, try again”? It is not my motto. I have long been the type of person that believed I should be good at something the first time I try it. If I’m not good at it, what is the point in trying again? Trying again is just setting myself up for embarrassment and failure. Often, if I convince myself that I can’t do something to my level of expectation then I might as well not do it at all.

Over the last few weeks, God has been teaching me a bit about expectations, especially the things I expect of myself. I have come to realize that this is something that is preventing me from becoming the woman God desires me to be. My expectations are holding me back from living the abundance of life that is mine in Christ. This is an area where I have been held captive; a stronghold that Satan had on my mind and heart. I am in the process of turning it over to God; letting the light of Christ shine in the dark places of my heart.

In Luke 4:18 Christ is reading from the prophecy of Isaiah and says, “He has sent me to proclaim liberty to the captives and recovering of sight to the blind, to set at liberty those who are oppressed.” I claim this promise for myself through Christ, and you can too.

Today is Easter. For many people today is simply about bunnies, baskets, and egg hunts. For many, today is simply about going to church (many from a sense of obligation) then gathering with family and friends to enjoy good food. For me, as a Christian, today is about the glory of God being revealed, about victory over death and triumph over a fallen world, about the hope I have of one day singing with the angels gathered around the throne of God. Today is the celebration of Christ’s rising from the grave, the miracle of all miracles, the reason we can celebrate throught the year and enjoy the other activities we engage in today.

I hope this morning finds you reflecting on the empty tomb and filled with joy that He is risen. He is risen indeed!