On Sunday morning, January 10, as we prepared to leave for church, my Mom called to let me know that my grandmother, Mema, had been hospitalized due to heart attack. At that point no one really had much information except that she was stable and being admitted to the cardiac care unit for tests and observation.

On Monday morning, January 11, I was awakened about 5 a.m. by contractions that steadily grew stronger and closer together. I was 40 weeks 3 days pregnant, so we were anxiously awaiting the arrival of our newest baby girl…

To read more, click here and check out my entry in PAXbaby.com’s 13 Days of Peace and Love.

On Monday morning, January 11, I was awakened about 5 a.m. by contractions that steadily grew stronger and closer together. I was 40 weeks 3 days pregnant, so we were anxiously awaiting the arrival of our newest baby girl.

Our precious baby girl was born that afternoon and immediately stole our hearts, just as her older sister (3 1/2 years old) and brother (21 months old) had upon their births. My parents made the three hour trip from Nashville to be with our older children while I was in the hospital. The news they brought of Mema seemed to be good; everyone thought she was improving and that with time and a change in medication she would be able to go home.

The next twelve days were pretty much a blur of newborn care, mom recovery, tending to the older children, and attempting to get as much sleep as possible. And then, on Saturday, January 23, my whole world shifted as I learned that my Mema had left this earth and gone to be with Jesus. As I spoke with my Mom on the phone that morning, I struggled with many things: holding back the tears well enough to carry on a conversation, guilt at not having been able to visit Mema in the last few months, and a profound sadness that my tiny baby had not been able to meet her great-grandmother.

I immediately made the decision that I had to be at the funeral; there was just no way that I could miss it. Even though that meant loading up all the little people, making the three hour trip, and exposing my two week old baby to all of the people who would be coming and going during the visitation and funeral. For me, this was really a no brainer, the choice between the temporary hardships of a 24 hour trip to Nashville or a lifetime of regret for not being there.

Mema was a very special lady. She poured her love into my life from my very earliest moments. She set an amazing example of what a wife should be as she cared for my grandfather during his years of battling muscular dystrophy. She demonstrated the love of a grandmother in every way. She influenced my life in many ways. Her death is felt by many and by me every day.

Our baby girl is a very special little lady. Right now because she is ours and, hopefully, in years to come because she grows and matures into the very special lady God has created her to be. I feel blessed to be her mother and pray that she is as good a woman as my Mema was.

I did get to introduce these two ladies who mean so much to me, although not in the way I had hoped. Instead of a cheerful welcome into the arms of her great-grandmother it was a tearful, one-sided conversation.

And now it is my privilege and obligation to make sure that this tiny girl knows how much her Mema loved her even though she never met her. It is my privilege and obligation to make sure she knows that in her final days Mema was very concerned about the well being of this tiny girl. It is my privilege and obligation to make sure that I pass along the legacy that Mema left.

Mema, you are loved and missed, but a part of you lives on in each of your daughters, granddaughters, and great-granddaughters. Including this tiny bundle of baby girl that I hold in my arms.

Also published at PAXbaby

Many of the furnishings and accessories in their home hold generations worth of family history and Grandma knows the story behind each and every piece. It has always amazed me the memory she has for such things; she is a wealth of oral history for both her side of the family and Papa John’s. At various times throughout our marriage Matt and I have been blessed by their generosity in sharing these items with us, and, thus, have several pieces in our home that have long family histories that we hope will one day be passed on to our children and grandchildren.

Last weekend Grandma called Matt and asked if we would be interested in having a few more pieces of their furniture. The only catch was that we needed to get it quickly in order for them to clear out and stage the house by the time it is scheduled to go on the market. So, this weekend we made a whirlwind trip (approximately 24 hours) to Nashville.

We came home with three new (to us) pieces – a beautiful cupboard/china cabinet that has been in the family for several generations, a lovely marble-top chest that dates to the early 1900s, and a comfy couch (it isn’t an antique, but it is a great addition to our living room!). We also were gifted a wonderful set of white dinnerware and various other bits and pieces that have value to us because we remember them from visits and associate them with Grandma and Papa John.

I am truly blessed to have such wonderful in-laws (Matt’s parents, his siblings, all of his grandparents, aunts, etc), and we, as a family, have been truly blessed by the love and generosity of Grandma and Papa John. I just hope we can remember all of the family stories to pass on to our children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren like Grandma has.

All last week Little had a kind of random cough. She would have coughing “fits” where she would cough a lot for a few minutes and then would go hours without coughing again. It was a bit strange, but I didn’t really think much of it; I thought it was just allergies or a cold coming on or something. She didn’t show any other symptoms until this weekend when she started running a low-grade fever. Her fever has gotten up to 101.5, but she still doesn’t really have any symptoms other than the cough and fever. She is a little lethargic and whiney, but for the most part she’s just Little.

And speaking of this weekend…my parents (Bebe and Grandad) came to visit. It was Little’s “birthday” weekend (a few weeks past her actual birthday, but more on the birthday in another post) and she had a big day planned to spend with Bebe and Grandad on Friday. Friday morning came, and when my dad woke up his leg was bright red and swollen up really big. Instead of our intended outing he started his day in the minor med clinic getting an antibiotic shot and oral meds for the infection. Over the next couple of days the leg didn’t get any better, and Dad ended up in the hospital on Sunday for IV antibiotics and observation. Fortunately, now his leg seems to be doing better. Hopefully, he’ll be able to head home in the next day or so.

I’ve also been trying to fight the cough thing that Little has going on, but now I seem to have developed an icky sinus-y thing. I’m all congested and coughing and headache-y and such.

We did have a good day on Friday for Little’s big day (minus Grandad); I’ll try to post more on that later. But overall, this weekend and early part of the week certainly hasn’t turned out quite like I thought it would.

When we landed in Tampa we were off to meet my parents (who drove down) at the condo so our vacation could really begin.  We spent the week relaxing at the beach, having fun at Busch Gardens, and generally enjoying our time together.

It was great to be with my brother and my nephews.  It was great for my kiddos to spend lots of quality time with us, their uncle, their cousins, and their grandparents.  It was an adventure involving sand, water, roller coasters, and lots of good seafood.

And I’ll be back to tell you more about it later.  Right now I’m off to take a nap; I’m having a tough time switching from “vacation” mode back into “real life” mode. 

Were you married at the time? Yes, for 5 years.

What were your reactions when you found out that you were pregnant? We were so excited; we knew we were ready to add a little one to our family.  I was also a bit nervous as I think all first time moms are.

How old were you? 27 when she was born.

How did you find out that you were pregnant? I had been charting my temps (using FAM), so I knew that having a higher temp for more than 16 days probably meant I was pregnant.  I tried to wait 21 days before I took a test but only made it 18.  The first test must have been defective because it only made part of a plus, the second test registered positive almost immediately.  We found out on Nana’s (Matt’s mom) birthday.

Who did you tell first? I called Matt at work and then my best friend, Nicole.

Did you find out the sex? Yes, I think it would have driven both Matt and me crazy not to know.

Due date? August 7.

Did you deliver early or late? a week early.

Did you have morning sickness? that would be a yes.  I threw up every morning and felt terrible the rest of the day for 8 weeks.

What did you crave? pineapple pizza from Papa John’s during the first trimester, anything spicy the rest of the time.  I went through 2-3 jars of salsa per week.  I also had a major aversion to the smell of coffee until about 17 weeks; I almost threw up one night in the cereal/coffee aisle of Target.

Who irritated you most? I can’t recall one person in particular that irritated me, but I’m sure everyone irritated me at one point or another.

What was your first child’s sex? she’s a girl.

How many pounds did you gain throughout your first pregnancy? 24.

Did you have any complications during your pregnancy? not a single one, thank God.  I didn’t even have any swelling until the very end.

Where did you give birth? in a hospital.

How many hours were you in labor? my water broke at 1:45 p.m. and I hadn’t had a noticeable contraction yet.  They started a pitocin drip about 4:00 p.m. and she was born at 10:33 p.m.  So labor was just under 9 hours.

Who drove you to the hospital? Matt.  When I called him at work to tell him my water broke and he needed to come home he didn’t believe me at first; I think he was in shock.

Who watched? Matt was there the whole time and my mom made it into town about the time I started pushing, so she got to see her first granddaughter come into the world.

Was it vaginal or c-section? she came out the old fashioned way.

Did you take medicine to ease the pain? I had an amazing epidural when I got to 7cm; I didn’t feel a thing after that.

How much did your baby weigh? she was 7 pounds 1/2 ounce.

What did you name your first born baby? she has a beautiful name that I love, but we call her Little around here.

How old is your first born today? she’s two years old.

Little was born on her Pops’s birthday.  Matt called Nana and Pops while we drove to the hospital to let them know that Little’s arrival was imminent.  They were at Nana’s college registering for her Fall semester classes, so Pops had to call us back when they got somewhere quieter so he could hear Matt.  I think he thought we were calling to wish him a happy birthday; he was quite surprised to hear that his granddaughter was on her way on his birthday.  It’s pretty neat that she shares a birthday with her Pops.

The memories for Matt go back to the beginning.  He remembers when the land was just that, land, filled with trees and potential.  He remembers the steps along the way to completing the house and Granny and Papa making the move out there.  He has fond childhood memories of summer visits, playing in the creek, fishing in the pond, and walking in the woods.  He always said he wished he could spend the whole summer at Granny and Papa’s instead of only a week.

There are also lots of memories that we’ve made there together.  My first visit was just over 10 years ago.  Matt and I had only been dating a few months, and he took me to meet his grandparents while we were in town for Spring Break from college.  I fell in love with his grandparents and their place immediately and am very thankful that I’m still visiting a decade later and have so many good times to reflect on.

This was the place we were married.  In the kitchen we ate chicken salad sandwiches as we waited for time for the ceremony.  In Granny’s huge garden we were photographed with our families.  Under a rose arbor we pledged our love for each other as we said our vows.

This was the place we made our first home.  The first two months of our married life we lived in the little house on Granny and Papa’s property (originally built for Matt’s great-grandmother).  We would come home in the evenings to find fresh picked tomatoes sitting on our back porch railing; we would go into the garden to pick corn from the stalk and blueberries straight from the bush.  We would go down the driveway every Thursday evening to sit on the screened porch and chat.  It was a special season in our life for many reasons, not the least of which was Matt finally getting to spend the whole summer at Granny and Papa’s house.

And now we have memories there with our children.  Little standing beside the Christmas tree.  A trip to play in the creek with her Daddy.  Boo in Papa’s lap.  Granny and Papa loving our children like they’ve always loved Matt.

I am thankful for all the memories we’ve created on the farm and especially with Granny and Papa.  It is sad to see it go, but it will always hold a special place in our hearts.

Fast forward to last weekend.  Matt and I wanted to take the kids and visit his grandparent’s again before they move.  Matt’s brother and sister-in-law wanted to visit too, so we decided to try to be there at the same time.  As it ended up, Lu and her family were able to come to town as well, so we had a bit of a family reunion.

We spent the weekend relaxing, chatting, and laughing. Sitting on the screened porch (in the comfy swing, of course) was bliss.  Catching up with family that we don’t get to see nearly as often as we would like was wonderful.  Having the opportunity to meet our newest nephew before he’s a year old was great.  And, of course, it was nice to make a few more memories (and pictures) at the “old homestead”.

Matt and I talked about going to Nashville to spend Memorial Day weekend with family but decided we weren’t ready to tackle a road trip and multiple visits with a not quite six weeks old baby and an active 22 month old.  So, my family decided they would come visit us.

Saturday morning my parents, brother, and two nephews arrived to spend about 24 hours with us.  I was quite excited to see my brother and the boys; October was the last time I saw them for any length of time (we are separated by about an 8 hour drive).  And I think they were pretty excited to see Little and The Boy.

Soon after they arrived we headed out to eat ribs and then came home to visit and hang out.  The guys threw baseball in the backyard (my oldest nephew is big into baseball and quite good at it from what I hear), we passed around the baby, everyone played around with Little.  And with Matt, my brother, and the two boys in a house together, quite a bit of rough housing took place.

Saturday evening Matt and I were able to go out for dinner and coffee.  It was quite refreshing to step out of the hustle and bustle of our life with the kiddos and enjoy some time together.  Thanks to Daddy and Momma for keeping the little ones so we could celebrate our anniversary.

Saturday night all of our visitors piled into the living room on the couch, an air mattress, various pallets.  It was quite a site to behold; one big family slumber party.  When Little got up Sunday morning she decided it was her job to wake everyone else.  She didn’t have any trouble waking Grandmommie and Grandad, but the boys took a little more work.  She climbed up on the air mattress between them and started saying “wake up, wake up” until they roused and looked at her.  It was too cute watching her try to get the big boys out of bed to play.

It would have been nice to have a little more time together, but it was great to see everyone.  Little thoroughly enjoyed the attention of her uncle and cousins!  And now we are all looking forward to the next time we’ll be together, during our family vacation in the fall.

I am thankful that Matt and I were both raised in Christian homes.  I am thankful for the legacy we’ve received from our parents and grandparents and that we are trying to pass on to our children.

I am thankful that our family is supportive, encouraging, and  loving.  I am thankful that we know we can turn to them any time we need them.  I am thankful that they love our child(ren) so much.

Today I am thankful for our family and the time we will get to spend with them in the coming weeks.

Everyone drove in on Saturday morning and we all met at my parents’ house. Jason and the boys arrived about lunch time which meant a trip to Cracker Barrel – a family favorite. After lunch we came back to my parents’ house, put Little down for a nap, and played around for a while. We started watching the UT Vols game, but by halftime they seemed to have everything under control so we moved on to other things. The boys are both into baseball so Matt, Jason, and the boys played catch and practiced some pitching in the front yard.

Sunday morning we went to church together, went out to lunch (we don’t eat at home much when we’re with my parents), and then Matt, Little, and I headed home so Matt could get ready to head back to work on Monday. Sunday afternoon, Jason and my oldest nephew met my uncle and his grandson at LP Field to watch the Titans take on (and beat) the Falcons. They had a great time even though they came home a bit sunburnt.

Little loved playing with her cousins, and they absolutely adore her. It is so sweet to watch them playing together and to see the boys talking to her and wanting to spend time with her. If Little was awake, one of the boys was sure to be close by her side.

Although it wasn’t a weekend that will be remembered for excitement or adventure, it was a great weekend filled with family. Before Saturday it had been about 6 months since I saw my nephews, hopefully it won’t be as long until I see them again.

Earlier in the week I concocted a tuna-noodle casserole for my lunch. I recognize that a lot of people read that and think, “yuck!”, my husband is included in that group which is why I ate it for lunch. But for me, this is one of my favorite comfort foods, one of those foods that brings floods of childhood memories as I cook and eat it.

My Dad and brother don’t like tuna-noodle casserole either, so growing up Mom would make it sometimes when the guys were off camping or both happened to be away from home at dinner time. I always enjoyed it when we ate it at our house, but my most special memories are of eating it with my Ghina and Poppa.

Ghina knew how much I liked the casserole, so every few months when they had it for dinner the phone would ring with an invitation for me to join them. This was a special time because it was just me and my grandparents – no parents, no brother, no cousins – a table set for three.

Entering the house I was greeted by the sound of the timer on their old-fashioned toaster oven clicking away, the smell of the casserole baking, and the sight of Ghina preparing garlic bread to be toasted. I would hang out on the stool in the kitchen, or write on the chalkboard, or play with a few toys until the timer dinged and dinner was ready.

The three of us would take our seats at the table; a family table surrounded by pictures of my Mom and her siblings as children, by mementos of a life lived together for many years. Ghina dished out our dinner. Poppa opened the box of ground black pepper. Slices of garlic toast were passed. A meal was enjoyed.

After dinner was finished and the dishes washed, Ghina and I would sit at the kitchen table and play Chinese checkers. If I was lucky we could get in several games before I had to head home to get ready for bed and school the next day.

There were many, many dinners like this each consisting of a plate of tuna-noodle casserole, a slice of garlic bread, and a special time with my grandparents. Over the years the occurences have lost their individuality and melded into a composite in my mind. Such a special memory, and it all started with a pan of tuna-noodle casserole.

Mary at Owlhaven is hosting a blog carnival today challenging us to write about our childhood homes. If you are interested in playing along or if you would like to read about others’ memories of their childhood homes, click on the cute picture at the top of this post.

I lived in one house my entire childhood; I came home from the hospital to the house and, 22 years later, left when Matt and I married. My parents still live there.

Our house was a two story traditional style home. All of the living space was on the upper level (bedrooms, bathrooms, kitchen, etc), but we had a finished basement that served as a den/family room. The basement is the backdrop for many of my childhood and teenage memories – dancing with my brother to “Eye of the Tiger”, playing school with my baby dolls and stuffed animals, playing “house” with my cousins, hanging out with friends watching television and playing games. That room was (and still is) the center of much of our family activity.

There was always a pool in the backyard and it saw many pool parties, water fights, and strange and dangerous feats performed by teenage boys. I learned to swim there, and my brother fell through the ice one year “ice skating”.

And the Christmas memories, these are a big part of my childhood memories. We always had two Christmas trees in our house, one on each level, and each served a different purpose. The upstairs tree was our “formal” tree and presents that went to other people (extended family, friends, etc) went under that tree. Our downstairs tree was the family tree. It was always decorated with the “ornaments” that my brother and I made, paper chain garlands, colored lights, and lots of tinsel icicles. Coming down the stairs on Christmas morning to a tree brimming with gifts from Santa and parents and stockings hung by the chimney with care is the epitomy of childhood Christmas.

One of the great things about my childhood home was the proximity to our extended family. We lived within a few miles of both sets of my grandparents, several aunts and uncles, and a bevy of cousins. This allowed for numerous family get togethers and a childhood filled with the warmth and love of family. My cousins and brother were my best friends throughout my childhood.

My childhood home is filled with memories – the bad along with the good – but most of the the ones I hang onto are good. I hope Little has memories her childhood home as good as the ones that I have.

We were slated to move on Friday, the 20th (a week from tomorrow) and for Matt to begin his new job on Monday, the 23rd. We have a truck reserved, utilities transfers ordered, boxes packed, and are set to sign a lease on an apartment in Nashville on Monday, the 16th.

But now, everything is changing.

The information Matt came across indicated various levels of personality conflict, mismanagement, and incompetence. There also appears to be a huge amount of employee turnover considering the size of the company. In total these factors are significant enough that we began to doubt that things were as good as they originally appeared.

Through much prayer and conversation, we have decided that this isn’t the right position and situation for our family. If the job didn’t require a long-distance move, selling our house, etc, it might be a risk we felt comfortable taking. With things the way they are, it isn’t worth the uncertainty.

Over the last few days we have come to several realizations about God’s work through out this process. From the beginning we have prayed for wisdom, discernment, and that all we did would be about the righteousness of God. I believe this information has come to light in answer of our prayers for wisdom. As my friend Diane said yesterday, it seems like this is protection from the Holy Spirit.

And now, we walk by faith and not by sight. Matt is scheduled to leave his current position as of Thursday, July 19th.

I anticipate the things that are to come. I recognize God’s sovereignty now more than ever. I sit in trust of His faithfulness, of His provision, of His love.

The God I serve has a sense of humor; and if this isn’t proof of that, what comes next will be an even greater adventure!

“Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand.” Proverbs 19:21

Last Tuesday Matt, Little, and I left town headed to Matt’s parents’ house; we were gone for seven days (returned home Tuesday afternoon). It is so nice to be home and back in our beds and back in our routine; I’ve finally recovered enough to get back to this thing known as a blog. We took this little ten hour trip in order to attend the wedding of Matt’s younger brother. The wedding was Saturday night, but Matt had a job interview on Wednesday (more on that in another post) so we headed out a few days early.

Little travelled very well. We drove three hours Tuesday afternoon, and she was fine. Thursday morning, we got up early and headed south. She played in her carseat, slept a lot, and ate some snacks. We made the 6-7 hour trip only making one stop; I thought that was great for travelling with a 10 month old. She was not thrilled about getting back into her seat after the stop, but she eventually went back to sleep. We broke the trip up the same way coming home (6-7 hours first day, 3 hours next day), and although she didn’t do quite as well as going, she still did better than I expected.

We stayed with Matt’s parents, so Little was surrounded by grandparents, aunts and uncles, great grandparents, and various other extended family members for several days. She really enjoyed playing with her Auntie Lu and cousin Bubbie and spending lots of time with her Nana and Pops. It was fun being with everyone since Christmas was the last time we were there.

But, back to the wedding. In order to have a candlelight ceremony, the wedding was scheduled for eight o’clock Saturday night. We were a bit concerned about the little ones, as that is right around bedtime, but they both did fine – fortunately, the ceremony was only about 30 minutes long.

The church was decorated with lots of candles and red roses. The ceremony was performed by a friend of both the bride and groom, so it was very sweet and personal. The bride was beautiful (she’s a very pretty girl anyway) dolled up in her wedding gown with long train and veil. She really looked like a princess.

Following the ceremony, they had a dessert reception with about 15 kinds of cakes, pies, and other desserts in addition to the wedding cake and groom’s cake. In fact, with all of the other goodies the wedding cake was kind of ignored after the cake cutting (it was on a separate table in a different part of the room). I overheard someone in line refer to the dessert table as “the table of sin.” I prefer to not think about how many calories were represented.

Anyway, the wedding was beautiful, the visit with family was great (even if it was a bit hectic), and the road trip was, well, it was a road trip with a baby. We are glad to be home, but have lots to do over the next few weeks (more on that in another post)!

I believe that Little feels this way about Matt. She can’t yet verbalize it, but you can already see it in her eyes; she knows she can rely on him. She is blessed to have the best kind of Daddy – the kind that fears God and only wants the best for his baby girl.

Happy father’s day and I love you to the two most important men in my life!

Other than the first few months after our marriage, Matt and I have not lived closer to our family than a 3-hour drive; this is both good and bad. Early on, it was good for the two of us to have to rely on each other and God. We had to figure out the whole marriage/finances (Matt was in grad school and I was working full-time)/church/friends thing on our own. Through that we built a strong relationship, really enjoyed time together, and learned a lot about God and ourselves. I don’t know how our marriage would be different if we had been in the same city with family, but I’m sure it would be.

Now that Little has come along, it would be nice to live closer to family in some ways. Growing up, I lived within a few miles of both sets of my grandparents and most of my extended family. I spent lots of time with my grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins; I would love for Little to have the opportunity to have a day-to-day relationship with her extended family as well. It would also be nice to have the close-by babysitting that comes with living near relatives.

For now, we are called to live and work where we are which means being separated from family by many miles. When we have the opportunity to visit with family – either at our house or theirs – we enjoy it while we can; we talk, we laugh, we drink coffee, we linger over meals, we overstimulate Little and she won’t nap (but that’s okay). The physical distance between us makes our gatherings that much sweeter.