Quick, before I get Sidetrack'd

So, last night the dinner conversation somehow turned to pirates. I don’t know exactly how it happens, but it tends to be a pretty regular thing around here.

Anyway, we were talking about whether or not pirates drink smoothies. E insisted that pirates do, in fact, drink smoothies. Matt asked how she knew….

Matt: “Have you ever met a smoothie drinking pirate?”

E: “Yep.”

Matt: “When did you meet any pirate, let alone a smoothie drinking pirate?”

E: “The other morning, while you were at work and mommy was sleeping. A pirate came into my room. His name was Boyfriend. He was a very, very nice pirate!”

I laughed so hard I had tears in my eyes!

This morning we went “out to the country” to visit my friend Lindsey and her gang. Apparently, while we were out there, Lindsey’s son was telling my kiddos about biting lizards. This is the conversation in the van on the way home…

E: I sure hope we didn’t bring any biting lizards home with us.

Me: I’m pretty sure we didn’t. Unless someone brought one home in their pocket.

J: I have one in my pocket. And it’s biting my leg!

That boy makes me laugh!

I’ve run across several good reads in the last few months that I thought I would share with you guys. Enjoy!

~ Suck it! The REAL Way to Prep for Breastfeeding @ Parenting.com – as a veteran nursing mom I find this article hilarious; if you are expecting (read: Lindsey) don’t let it scare you, it’s usually not this bad…usually

~ Why Having a Toddler is Like Being at a Frat Party @ Suburban Snapshots – absolutely, laugh-out-loud, hysterically funny

~ I Don’t Want My Children to Be Happy @ It’s Almost Naptime!! – The only non-funny link in the bunch. I read this several months ago and think about it often. Right in line with much of our parenting philosophy.

~What Your Email Address Says About Your Computer Skills @ The Oatmeal – I’m married to a web programmer. ‘Nuff said.

And finally, my new favorite quote (seen recently on Twitter): “Unless life also gives you water and sugar, your lemonade’s gonna suck.”

Happy Friday!

This girl. Our first born. Our almost four year old. Our Little. She keeps us laughing. Sometimes she talks like she’s grown. Other times she babbles while she pretends to be a baby.

Over July 4th weekend my parents were visiting and over dinner one night we were conversing about cocktails, specifically mojitos. Matt was talking about how you smash the mint leaves in the bottom of the glass before pouring the drink into it when Little piped up with…

“You can’t smash me, Daddy, because I’m a woman!”

We all burst into laughter. I’m not sure which was funnier, that she misunderstood “mint” as “men” or that she referred to herself as a woman.

This morning my SIL posted a link on Facebook to her friend Mandy’s blog. The following video was posted there and I, without hesitation, swiped it. This is truly hilarious. As in laugh out loud and your children ask what your laughing about funny (not that it happened to me or anything, ahem).

Enjoy!

Friday night I went out to dinner and shopping with my girls.  Matt stayed home and entertained the kids.  When I got back he told me this story…

Little was sitting in  Matt’s lap while he was doing some things on the computer.  As he concentrated on what he was reading Little was rubbing her hand on his hair and saying something that he didn’t quite catch.

The hair rubbing and talking went on for a couple of minutes before Matt realized that she was saying something about putting hair stuff on his hair.  He began to pay a little closer attention to what she was doing.

Little was wiping her nose with her hand.  Then rubbing her snotty hand on his head!

I think we’ll start a new line of hair products – Little Snotty Hair.

The day started off like so many others, a walk to the park with friends, some time on the playground, home for lunch and nap.  Little requested a pb&j for lunch, such a benign request…

Pulling the store-bought bread from the top of the fridge I noticed that there were only five slices left, not enough to do Little’s lunch, BLTs for dinner, and sandwiches for Matt’s lunches the rest of the week.  No problem, I’ll pull out the rest of last week’s homemade bread for Little’s lunch, we’ll have BLTs on the store-bought for dinner, and I’ll get a fresh batch of bread baking for Matt’s lunches.  The plan worked so nicely in my head.

The last of the homemade bread was quite hairy.  Okay, back to store-bought for Little’s lunch.  PB&J accomplished and on her plate with a side of mandarin oranges.  Time to start baking.

I pulled up the step stool for Little to stand on so she could watch me mix and knead the dough.  I set Boo up in the exersaucer to jump to his little heart’s content.  I grabbed my recipe (trying a new one this week) and started gathering the ingredients and utensils I would need.

Out of the pantry came the new bag of whole wheat flour.  As I walked past the fridge I thought I saw something out of the corner of my eye, but decided that it was just a reflection in the stainless steel on the refrigerator.  About the time I reached to set the flour onto the counter I felt something brush my hand.  Looking down I saw a huge – two inches, I do not exaggerate – roach on the flour bag.  I reflexively shrieked and dropped the flour onto the kitchen floor (fortunately, the bag did not bust).

This, of course, scared the children.  Little stuck her thumb in her mouth and looked at me wide-eyed trying to figure out what was wrong with Momma.  Boo started wailing.

The Bug flew onto the side of the refrigerator and was peering out at me menacingly from the space between the fridge and the cabinets.  I, being the strong and brave woman that I am, picked up the phone and called Matt breathlessly saying, “It’s on the fridge.  What do I do?” Being the wise man that he is, he told me to put the kids in Little’s room and get out the bug spray.

Let the hilarity ensue.

I tried spraying Bug on the side of the fridge and it immediately ran behind the fridge.  Okay, what to do now?  Matt suggested pulling out the fridge so I could see behind it.  He’s smart I tell ya.  While I pulled the fridge Bug decided to get on top of the fridge where we keep the paper plates and plastic eating utensils; yick!  I cautiously began moving things on the top of the fridge scared the entire time that Bug was going to fly at me.  At this point Matt told me he wished the phone was a camera so he could see me and laugh instead of just laughing at me over the phone.

I didn’t find Bug up there.  I climbed down off the stool and continued the search.  There was a rustling noise that seemed to come from beside or behind the fridge; maybe I got it and it is now in the last throes of a painful death.  I started to relax a bit.

Glancing to my right I saw none other than Bug prancing merrily along a plastic grocery bag in the pantry.  Ack!  It flew onto the pantry door where I doused it with liberal amounts of bug spray.  Once it hit the ground I whacked it repeatedly with a shoe.  Victory is mine!

By this time both of the kids have lost it and are boo-hooing in Little’s room; we were all a bit traumatized by the whole experience.  I went in and soothed them then went back to the kitchen to clean up the bug spray.  After clean up was complete I brought both kids back to the kitchen to restart the bread making process.  I opened the bag of flour and found a meal bug crawling down the inside of the bag.

Sorry folks, it’s store-bought bread for this week.  I may never make bread again.

A couple of weeks ago the kids and I were doing a little shopping at Target.  As we wandered the aisles of cleaning supplies and paper goods, Little asked for a piece of candy.  I gave her an Ice Breaker’s Sour (her candy of choice behind chocolate) and she began munching away on it.

Behind us a lady was innocently making her way to purchase a bottle of Lysol or something when Little suddenly proclaimed, “Lady no eat my candy.”  I responded with, “No, sweetie, the lady doesn’t need your candy.”  To which Little says, “Lady have no teeth.”

Um, yeah, I’m pretty sure the lady did have teeth (although I didn’t look back to check), but we are always telling Little that Boo can’t eat (goldfish, bananas, candy, fill in the blank) because he doesn’t have teeth.  Apparently this extends to anyone and everyone who doesn’t need/want her food.

And then on Friday…I had the kids at the doctor’s office for well-baby checkups.  As we entertained ourselves with Teletubbies on the TV in the waiting room, a little boy came in wearing SpongeBob shorts.  Little looked at him and promptly proclaimed, “Little boy have fruit snacks on his pockets.”

She’s never been exposed to SpongeBob except via fruit snacks that she shares with her friend D, so I guess it was a logical conclusion for a 2 year old, but it took some effort for me to contain my laughter.

Maybe we should ger her out more…or less.

Matt and I don’t see movies in the theater.  Before kids we made it to a movie about once a year, twice if it was an exceptionally good year for new releases.  Since Little was born, I think we’ve been to a theater once, to see the second Pirates of the Caribbean movie.  We’re Netflix subscribers so we see plenty of movies, just a few months (or more) after most people. [as an aside, I really like the Netflix service; if we weren't members, we'd never see movies!]

Last night we decided to watch a movie after the kiddos went to bed.  Our movie-on-hand was Juno.  We’d seen the previews and heard good things about it, but I wasn’t really prepared for how much I would like this movie.  Granted, there are many things in the movie that I don’t condone – teenage pregnancy, divorce, bad language – but I laughed so hard that Matt was laughing at me. I have a bit of an odd sense of humor, and Juno is one of those quirky comedies that fit it perfectly (like The Princess Bride, Monty Python, Rushmore, for other examples).

In fact, I liked it so much that I considered watching it again today before I sent it back to Netflix.  I think I might have to add it to our DVD collection.

From Little – as we prepared to go to the zoo yesterday – “skeeto bite no go to zoo.”  Yeah, if I could figure out how to leave mosquito bites behind I’d be a rich lady.

New to her vocabulary – “paw-der” for pillow

From the potty training diary – she has pee-peed in the potty once, but she won’t wear training pants because apparently they hurt (she spent 30 minutes pulling at them the other day before she finally brought me a diaper and asked me to put it on).  I’m not sure she’s really ready yet; we’ll give it some time.

From The Boy – during his 4-ish a.m. feeding this morning I laid him down in the floor to change his diaper.  He proceeded to roll over from his back to his tummy.  Whaa?  You’re only 9 weeks old boy!

On sleeping – he’s up to 6 hours straight for the past several nights.  We’re still getting up two times, but I’m hoping that we’ll cut out the 4 o’clock feeding before long.

And from the pacifier files – I haven’t yet decided whether it is our friend or not.  It is much better than sucking on my pinky, but it presents it’s own set of challenges (like when he loses it during the night).

As for me – I almost let myself get heat exhaustion yesterday.  4 hours at the zoo in 85 degrees weather, the last 2 hours of that with Boo in our black wrap, and only about 8 ounces of water don’t make for good times at the end of the day.  Fortunately, I’m feeling much better today.

And finally, from “file it under random” – I glanced at the Pay Per Post form in my SIL‘s sidebar earlier, and the default birthdate is June 19, 1906.  I’m thinking that 102 year old bloggers are a bit hard to come by.

That’s all I have for now.  Hopefully, tomorrow I can put coherent thoughts together and bring you a well constructed post.  We’ll see.