Quick Before I Get Sidetrack'd

I am a Daddy’s girl, through and through; as a child I believed I could do anything as long as Daddy was close by. I had faith that if I slipped, he would catch me; if I was hurt, he would make it better; if I needed him, he would come running. I knew that he loved me in a big way and that nothing would change that.

I believe that Little feels this way about Matt. She can’t yet verbalize it, but you can already see it in her eyes; she knows she can rely on him. She is blessed to have the best kind of Daddy – the kind that fears God and only wants the best for his baby girl.

Happy father’s day and I love you to the two most important men in my life!

Expectation: a belief that someone will or should achieve something

We all have them: of ourselves, of others, of life. There are certain things that we expect ourselves to achieve; ways that we expect our spouse and children to be; certain events that we expect to transpire in our lives; certain outcomes that we expect God to provide.

I have long known that I expect too much. It’s not that I expect great things; it’s just things like: expecting someone to understand what I’m talking about even if I don’t communicate well; expecting someone to know what I’m thinking without my telling them; expecting high levels of achievement from myself.

I tend to be hard on myself – more so in some areas than others – and set the standard high enough that it is pretty much unattainable. This is very true in what I believe others are expecting of me. For instance, I have been in a place recently where I believed Matt expected the house to be spotless when he came home. I was convinced that toys in the floor, unwashed dishes in the sink, or a pile of unfolded laundry on the couch was a disappointment to him. I mean, I’m home all day now, why shouldn’t I be able to accomplish everything? He never said this was true; he never did anything to make me believe that this was true. It was all in my head. I make myself believe that perfection is expected and if I can’t achieve perfection then I have totally failed.

I also fear failure. You know the old saying, “if at first you don’t succeed, try, try again”? It is not my motto. I have long been the type of person that believed I should be good at something the first time I try it. If I’m not good at it, what is the point in trying again? Trying again is just setting myself up for embarrassment and failure. Often, if I convince myself that I can’t do something to my level of expectation then I might as well not do it at all.

Over the last few weeks, God has been teaching me a bit about expectations, especially the things I expect of myself. I have come to realize that this is something that is preventing me from becoming the woman God desires me to be. My expectations are holding me back from living the abundance of life that is mine in Christ. This is an area where I have been held captive; a stronghold that Satan had on my mind and heart. I am in the process of turning it over to God; letting the light of Christ shine in the dark places of my heart.

In Luke 4:18 Christ is reading from the prophecy of Isaiah and says, “He has sent me to proclaim liberty to the captives and recovering of sight to the blind, to set at liberty those who are oppressed.” I claim this promise for myself through Christ, and you can too.

Today is Easter. For many people today is simply about bunnies, baskets, and egg hunts. For many, today is simply about going to church (many from a sense of obligation) then gathering with family and friends to enjoy good food. For me, as a Christian, today is about the glory of God being revealed, about victory over death and triumph over a fallen world, about the hope I have of one day singing with the angels gathered around the throne of God. Today is the celebration of Christ’s rising from the grave, the miracle of all miracles, the reason we can celebrate throught the year and enjoy the other activities we engage in today.

I hope this morning finds you reflecting on the empty tomb and filled with joy that He is risen. He is risen indeed!

Matt’s parents came to visit this weekend. With a 10-hour trip from their house to ours we don’t get to see them as often as we would like. We didn’t really do anything very exciting, but it was nice just to get to spend time together relaxing, talking, enjoying Little. Little lapped up all of the attention and had fun playing with and performing for people other than Mommy and Daddy. It rained most of the day Saturday, but we were able to get out Sunday afternoon to take a walk and enjoy the beautiful Spring weather. I have truly been blessed with wonderful in-laws.

Other than the first few months after our marriage, Matt and I have not lived closer to our family than a 3-hour drive; this is both good and bad. Early on, it was good for the two of us to have to rely on each other and God. We had to figure out the whole marriage/finances (Matt was in grad school and I was working full-time)/church/friends thing on our own. Through that we built a strong relationship, really enjoyed time together, and learned a lot about God and ourselves. I don’t know how our marriage would be different if we had been in the same city with family, but I’m sure it would be.

Now that Little has come along, it would be nice to live closer to family in some ways. Growing up, I lived within a few miles of both sets of my grandparents and most of my extended family. I spent lots of time with my grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins; I would love for Little to have the opportunity to have a day-to-day relationship with her extended family as well. It would also be nice to have the close-by babysitting that comes with living near relatives.

For now, we are called to live and work where we are which means being separated from family by many miles. When we have the opportunity to visit with family – either at our house or theirs – we enjoy it while we can; we talk, we laugh, we drink coffee, we linger over meals, we overstimulate Little and she won’t nap (but that’s okay). The physical distance between us makes our gatherings that much sweeter.

Have you ever had one of those days (or weeks, months, or years) where the same topic seems to come up over and over again in various forms and in various situations? I’m having one of those seasons, and the topic seems to be discipline and self-control.

It all started back at the first of the year when I was convicted of my need to set some goals. Let me make it perfectly clear that, although I wrote them out, I have lost site of said goals – as well as the paper on which they were written. Coincidence? I think not.

Over the last few months I’ve received gentle reminders, repeatedly, that I might need to buckle down in some areas. Over the last few weeks the nudges are getting a little less gentle. I did make an attempt with my spending hiatus, which has gone pretty well; but I really feel like I’m being called to look at and work on my self-control across many areas of my life, not just my discretionary spending.

So, I am going to make a new list of a few things that I would like to accomplish or get better about doing over the next few months. Hopefully, I can manage not to lose them this time!

I know God has something to teach me through this, or something he is calling me to do. As I strive to get better in these areas I will continue to pray through it and pray for strength and determination. Do you have any goals you are working toward? Is God calling you to greater things?