Quick, before I get Sidetrack'd

Last week my friend Lindsey passed along a blog award that included directions to list 10 things that make you happy. While I don’t do the whole “blog award” thing, I will list 10 things that make me happy (in no particular order).

1. hearing/seeing the older kiddos playing happily together.
2. when the kids laugh (baby girl has started giving us a few giggles)
3. when Little asks questions about Jesus (although she’s beginning to get pretty deep in her theology)
4. spending time with Matt
5. hanging out with friends
6. enjoying beautiful Spring days
7. daffodils and tulips and the other lovely, colorful Spring flowers
8. doing things as a family (even the simple things like grocery shopping…well, usually:-)
9. reading with my kids
10. having extended, uninterrupted time to read a good book

So, what makes you happy?

It was one of those days -

the baby cried inconsolably,

the older children fought,

we had somewhere to be,

no one got naps.

It was one of those days.

It was one of those days –

where the best I can do is make sure everyone is fed and unharmed,

where the thought of turning in my “Mommy” title crosses my mind,

where I ask God if he really thinks I can parent these three little people.

It was one of those days.

But it was one of those days –

that ended with baby smiles,

with a giggly game of ride-a-little-horsey,

with Daddy coming home and taking the reigns,

with Mommy-time spent with a group of grown up girls.

It was one of those days.

It was one of those days –

that in the midst you want to end,

but then you would miss the blessings of an end that was so much better than the beginning.

It was just one of those days.

We welcomed her into our hearts many months ago and into our home last Monday. Baby girl arrived healthy and happy (despite the pouty face) weighing 7 pounds 6 ounces and measuring 19.5 inches.

I came across a post on Simple Mom this weekend (via Rocks in My Dryer) entitled “The Great Myth“. It was a great reminder that none of us, no matter how it seems, is able to do it “all”. I was particularly struck by these two quotes:

“Every choice we make in life is both a choice to do something and a choice to not do something.”

“And at the end of the day, we need to trust that God gave us the energy to do those things to which He called us, and no more.”

I hope you’ll read the complete post and find encouragement for those days when you just don’t seem to measure up (at least in your own mind).

As you know, unless this is your first visit to Sidetrack’d, we are expecting to welcome baby #3 to our family in early January. Three doesn’t seem like an abnormally large family to Matt and me, but a good size portion of the rest of America doesn’t seem agree with that. Apparently, we are in the process of becoming a full-fledged traveling show.

Now, I will grant that we do have our children fairly close together – Little and Boo are 20.5 months apart and Boo and Baby Girl will be not quite 21 months apart – which I’m sure adds to our oddity. But if you know us well, you know that this is just one way, definitely not the only way, in which we’re a bit strange.

Last Monday was the big ultrasound day. All along we had planned to take Little with us, but due to appointment time, scheduling conflicts, and prior commitments, we decided to take Boo as well. The looks began as soon as we walked in the doctors’ office door. And I don’t just mean people glancing up from their books and magazines to see who’d entered the building, I mean people on the other side of the room fully turning around in their chairs to see us entering (fortunately, Matt was with us or I’m sure I really would have gotten some looks!). The children were well-behaved and fairly quiet (as quiet as a 3 year old and 16 month old can be expected to be), but you could just feel the unspoken comments.

This isn’t our first encounter with this type of thing either. Since I’ve had enough baby bump for people to recognize that I’m pregnant we’ve heard all the “wow, you’ll have your hands full” and “three little ones; you’ll be busy” type comments. And, of course, we’ve noticed the looks that say “are you crazy?!” or something of that sort. I’m sure it will only get more prevalent as we get closer to welcoming Baby Girl and then, especially, when I’m out alone with all three of them.

But it makes me wonder: if we get this kind of censure (at least that is the word that comes to mind) as a soon to be family of five, what do larger families feel when they are in public together?

Recognize that number? Yep, that’s poison control. That’s the number I had to call last week for the first time. Why? Because Boo decided it might be a good idea to taste a little hand sanitizer.

Little had used the hand sanitizer and handed it to me while I was typing an e-mail. I set the bottle on the desk and went on about what I was doing. A few minutes later the phone rang and I went into the kitchen to answer it. After a couple of minutes on the phone I came back into the living room to find Boo standing in the desk chair with the hand sanitizer pump in his mouth!

I didn’t (and still don’t) know how much he ingested, and there didn’t seem to be much gone from the bottle, but I could smell alcohol on his breath. So, I called poison control. The kind lady took all the facts, gave me a little advice (give him something sweet to drink, watch him for signs of inebriation), and told me to call back if I had any questions. Fortunately, Boo showed no signs of harm and continued to act and play normally.

Little has been around for three years and I’ve never even thought about having to call poison control. You just never know what Boo is going to get into (no matter how hard we try to keep things locked away!). Boys!

A lot has happened around here the last few weeks, yet none of it has made it to the blog. I am still around, and everyone is fine, I just haven’t had the time or energy to pull together coherent posts.

Here’s my excuse – Matt and I found out a few weeks ago that we’re going for the Little People trifecta. Baby number 3 is due early in January, and right now he or she (along with the two little people already present in the house) is sucking the energy right out of me. And making me feel pretty sickly to boot. So, I’ve been neglecting this little blog as part of my effort to remain upright until Matt makes it home in the evening.

I promise I’ll be back…sometime.

Earlier today Little and I were walking home from my friend L’s when the son of our next-door neighbor pulled into the driveway and got out of the car. The following conversation ensued:

Little: That’s a man, Mommy.
Me: You’re right, baby.
L: He’s going in the house, Mommy.
M: Yep.
L: Mommy, where is the lady to go in the house with him?
M: Well, I guess Ms. P is at work.
L: Yeah, she’s at work. But Mommies stay home.
M: Not all Mommies stay home, some of them go to work.
L: But you stay home, Mommy!

Yes, baby, I do. And what a privilege it is!

This afternoon we had to make a quick run to the grocery to pick up tortillas for dinner.  Little wore her cute gray knit pants, a pink t-shirt, and her cowboy boots.

They are red.

And several sizes too big.

And were on the wrong feet.

She walked through the store without a care in the world.  And I walked beside her proud to be her momma.

Today I had a meltdown.  One of those ugly cry, snot dripping down face, curl up in the fetal position kind of meltdowns.  Fortunately, my best friend lives two doors down and came running to my rescue as soon as she answered my tear muffled call; otherwise, I might still be laying in the floor in a puddle of tears as the children screamed around me.  

It wasn’t pretty, but it was very, very real.  This is how life feels right now.  We’ve all been sick for a month.  The baby is teething.  I can’t stay on top of the chores like I feel I should.  Life has caught up to me and is dragging me down.  I am weary, to the bone and deep into my soul.

I’m praying for reprieve.  I’m praying for strength.  This seems to be one of those times when God is forcing me to my knees and yet I’ve continued to fight it for too long now.  I don’t know what I’m “chasing”, but it is running faster than I can and is obviously not the right thing.

Please forgive me if you don’t see me here often.  Please forgive me if I don’t make it by your place as often as I would like.  It’s rough times and I’m trying to muster through.

My light at the end of the tunnel right now is a scheduled retreat this weekend with several women I love and am honored to call my friends.  The baby will come with me (Daddy would not be too happy if I left him at home since he won’t take a bottle!), but I’m hopeful that a change of scenery and a change of routine will do my mind, my heart, and my body good.

Until then, I will meditate on these verses:

“He will tend his flock like a shepherd; he will gather the lambs in his arms; he will carry them in his bosom, and gently lead those that are with young.”  Isaiah 40:11

“Even youths shall faint and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted; but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.”  Isaiah 40:30-31